Okay, I said I would write a post on why
I’m leaving academia. I actually want to defer to this list, 100 reasons NOT to
go to graduate school. http://100rsns.blogspot.com/p/complete-list-to-date.html
It’s a good summary of what is and what is
to come for graduate students. Of course I did not see this before entering
graduate school. However, I probably would have ignored it anyway since many
advanced graduate students had already told me not to go. I easily dismissed
them as grumpy, burnt-out students that would not go far in the world with
their current attitude. Surely my boundless motivation, passion for solving
problems, and chipper attitude would prevail. I wasn’t completely wrong, all
the above served me well for several years and I have a very respectable academic
CV to show for it. However, what I didn’t realize is that those fifth and sixth
year graduate students were once bright-eyed students similar to myself. As you
begin to approach the end of your graduate school career, the veil begins to
slip from your eyes and you are forced to see the realities of life beyond
graduate school. Suddenly, reasons such as number 71, “Tenure track is brutal”,
or 83, “It narrows your options” come barreling down on you like a ton of
bricks. It forces you to re-evaluate yourself and your goals.
Although I could write about the injustices
of graduate school and the emotional trauma that students endure, I don’t want
this post be about the negative experiences of graduate school. I’ve come away
from graduate school with a lot of new, translatable skills in my personal
toolbox and the confidence to learn new skills and manage a variety of
projects. I’ve also narrowed down what are the most important aspects that I
will look for in my next job. However, it would be a bold face lie to say that
some of the negative experiences are not influencing my decision to leave, but you
and myself might question if it was so bad as to necessitate a 180. Last night
as I sat around a table of my peers enjoying a good conversation about recent
scientific findings, I thought, “Do I really want to leave this?” I will go
from being an expert to a novice all over again. Instead of enjoying some of
the fruits of my labor I will instead struggle to gain my footing in a new field. Science
is undeniably producing fascinating discoveries and a lot of exciting
opportunities continue to exist.
However for scientists, as is for many who combine
their identity with their career, science is a way of life. Despite my
achievements and upcoming completion of my PhD, I can no longer ignore the
small voice that has been telling me, “This isn’t who you are,” “This isn’t
where you want to go.” I’m okay with this and it’s not too late to change. I’ll
take what I’ve learned and move forward in another direction. Am I scared to
change careers? Hell yes, but I’m not going to let fear get in my way. I can do
this. Others will question my decision or doubt that I’ll be able to find what
I want, but I don’t care. I’m already happier just for having made the decision
and this happiness is seeping into all facets of my life becoming recognizable
to my friends and family. So here I am, starting my career as a programmer and
I’m beyond excited to learn as much as I can. The best part is, I once again feel
a passionate energy coursing through my veins and it feels… wonderful.
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